I’m Sad.

I feel grumpy and I don’t like it.

We received an e-mail from USCIS yesterday. They are the US folks (In Haiti) who are reviewing all the documents for Wilna and Lovence (Laurentz is not in this step yet). We had hoped to get an e-mail of approval, meaning we would bring Wilna and Lovence home in three weeks or so. The e-mail instead asked for an extract of their birth certificates from the National Archives. An extract is essentially a short-form of their birth information. It legally summarizes the data and confirms that the birth certificate they have on hand is valid.

I guess they ask for this a lot.

I’m all for certifying, verifying, authenticating. But we estimate this will delay their homecoming another 4 weeks – at least.

And I’m so ready to have our children home.

I was the picture of spiritual maturity yesterday, trusting God in the timing, spending very little time upset and more time calculating dates and figuring out possible details. I reasoned that with the delay, maybe Laurentz would be able to come home with them. That would be good, right?

But then today.

I nearly cried when Savannah refused to eat her turkey burger.

I felt my stress level grow exponentially (and irrationally) when I noticed the cluttered countertop and spotted the crumbs on my carpet.

I about jumped down Brian’s throat when he didn’t hear me ask a question.

I walked away. Stomped a foot. Pouted.

I’m sad. And as I write that, the tears come again.

Yes, I trust God, with all my heart and soul. And at the same time I also feel the emotions of another four weeks without our children home. Mostly for Wilna. Lovence doesn’t understand it quite as well, but I told Wilna I would do my best to come back for her in June. Now it will be July. Maybe August. Maybe I shouldn’t have specified a time frame, but we had been told April or May, so I figured June was pretty safe.

She’s growing up. She’s shedding childhood.

IMG_0431

And yes, she’s strong and brave, a little stoic even.

But after I left last time, I found out she cried under the big mango tree.

She’s still a little girl in need of a mom and I miss her.

I miss Lovence.

I miss Laurentz.

It’s been nearly four years. It’s time.

24 thoughts on “I’m Sad.

  1. The Lord God gazes at you telling those in the Godhead,”Look at her. She is doing just what I made her to do. Using and feeling her emotions in a tense and seemingly unfair situation. And yet she loves Me. She trusts Me. I love her, too. and the children. I will strengthen her. I will up hold her with My righteous right hand.” As He saw Hagar in the wilderness and heard her child’s cry, He sees you and has not forgotten you. Be at peace; do not lose hope; trust in Him.

  2. You know, Elsa, I hear your mother’s heart. Mine aches for yours, friend. This must seem as much like an eternity to those children as it does for you and Brian.
    It seems such a waste of time, money, and patience for government red tape to have such power over something as important as putting these children in a loving home.
    We continue to cover your family (here and in Haiti) in prayer. Love and Hugs, Robyn B

  3. Disappointed for you but relieved to know your not perfect. Time for the talk. People used to ask me how does Mark do it? For 4-1/2 years he dealt with the highs and lows, the waiting for appointments, tests, results, and unnecessary delays. He wasn’t much for discussing the things, just seemed to roll with every punch. Then one day I was sitting in an advanced leadership course, I got goosebumps listening to the instructor as he described an interview with the sole survivor of a Vietnam POW camp. He was asked why he thought he survived. He stated he had faith. Did he really think the others didn’t? His reply was no, but they had faith with expectations. So many times they had expected to get rescued by Thanksgiving, Christmas, and so on. They’d all get excited and then the disappointment when it didn’t happen. After awhile they they started to die from broken hearts. As soon as I got home I called Mark. When I told him about the discussion his reply was “Yep, that’s pretty much it.”

    It has served me well in during the last the years of dealing with one medical issue after another. Now you know you shouldn’t make promises you have no control over. Don’t do it again! It’s okay to feel down, you’re human. Get out in the sun a few minutes, it works wonders! They will be here soon so hang in there. Love you all, Michelle

    • Oh Michelle, I could give you a whole litany of reasons why I am far from perfect! 🙂 Thank you for this advice – I know it was hard earned through Mark’s journey. Love you!

  4. The Word of the Lord is a light to guide you, a counselor to counsel you, a comforter to comfort you, a staff to support you, a sword to defend you, and a physician to cure you. The Word is a mine to enrich you, a robe to clothe you, and a crown to crown you
    Susan G

  5. I’m so sorry, Elsa ……. I have such admiration for you and Brian for never giving up ! God bless you both and your children ……..

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  6. Is anything to hard for God? No, there is nothing to hard for God..Father God, I come to you in the name of Jesus…first of all offering a word of thanks, for all you are, all you’ve done, all you are accomplishing in the lives of this great family as they continue to endure set back after set back. You know the plans you have for them as well as those precious children.. I ask that you give each of them at this time a peace that surpasses all understanding, as only you can, and a renewed sense of patience, that also surpasses all understanding. In the end, I rather imagine that the blessings to unfold will be greater than any could imagine and we will (everyone of us) be sure that You and you alone receive all the praise, all the honor and all the glory!!!…in Jesus’ name..Amen!!!

  7. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart, Elsa. You’re stronger than you think! Love and hugs to all of you.

  8. Dearest Elsa, Brian, Kitty and darling Savannah –

    This is the day the Lord hath made – praying throughout the day for God’s message to be clear in all of this – bringing to each of you much comfort and strength –

    Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

    1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

    Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

    Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

    Psalm 18:32-34 the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

    You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
    Who abide in His shadow for life
    Say to the Lord
    “My refuge, my rock in whom I trust!”

    And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
    Bear you on the breath of dawn
    Make you to shine like the sun
    And hold you in the palm of His hand.

    The snare of the fowler will never capture you
    And famine will bring you no fear
    Under His wings your refuge
    His faithfulness your shield.

    And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
    Bear you on the breath of dawn
    Make you to shine like the sun
    And hold you in the palm of His hand.

    You need not fear the terror of the night
    Nor the arrow that flies by day
    Though thousands fall about you
    Near you it shall not come.

    And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
    Bear you on the breath of dawn
    Make you to shine like the sun
    And hold you in the palm of His hand.

    For to His angels He’s given a command
    To guard you in all of your ways
    Upon their hands they will bear you up
    Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

    And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
    Bear you on the breath of dawn
    Make you to shine like the sun
    And hold you in the palm of His hand…

  9. Elsa I love you guys. It took me almost 3 years to Adopted my Great Grandson from Saint Louis. I stood on Proverbs 3:5. My heart is with all you. Continuing in prayer. I feel your heart God is faithful.

  10. “Your Lord, who sees the end from the beginning,
    Has purposes for you of love untold.
    Then place thy hand in His and follow fearless,
    Till you the riches of His grace behold.

    There, when you stand firm in the Home of Glory,
    And all life’s path lies open to your gaze,
    Your eyes will SEE the hand that you’re now trusting,
    And magnify His love through endless days.”
    – Freda Hanbury Allen

    Keep trusting my friend, one day the entire path of your life will be unfolded before you. Though it doesn’t always make sense now, it will then. Until then, TRUST!! I will praise Him now for your continued faithfulness – this testimony has already been written!! 🙂

  11. My heart is breaking for you and the kids, especially for Wilna. I see the linging in her eyes for you.
    Trust in God’d timing and fervant prayer for your Haitian kids. Hugs all around, Donna Wisecup💞

  12. Three of my favorites at New Life. I just spent the week with them and loved on them extra hard. I am praying for your adoption and that the process goes quicker than anticipated. A sweet quote from Wilna.. I was asking her about America and what state she was going to and I said I can’t wait for you to be there! And she replied with, “me too, I will be there whenever God wants me to be.” ❤️

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