Laurentz.

laurentz3

We love this little boy.

Laurentz.

Laurentz was 15 months old when we met him. Late on that first evening, I held him in my arms and he fell asleep. Sitting for a good while in devotions with the kids, he became sweaty against my shoulder. I adjusted him to lay on my lap, his head by my knees, his little feet resting on my belly. His arms fell to the sides – outstretched. I laid my hand on his chest and I prayed for him. I prayed that God would protect him, that he would plant a love for him in his heart from an early age. I prayed he would become a man of God with a heart for people. I prayed that God would watch over him all of his days – and that should it be in his plan, that we would get to love him as our son.

It was an intense moment. It stays with me still, nearly 39 months later. We began the process to adopt Laurentz. His birth mom was unable to care for him and had signed papers releasing him. We submitted our dossier and the journey began.

Last week, in an unexpected turn of events, Laurentz’s birth mom came for him and took him from the orphanage. She gathered his belongings. She left, little Laurentz in tow.

In a perfect world, we would celebrate. What better thing than for a mom and son to be reunited, for our boy to be raised by his birth family and to live in his home country? Family restored. Life renewed. Hope again.

I want the very best for Laurentz.

And yet I fight worry for him. I’m sometimes overwhelmed with the sadness. In my brain, we would either love him here or love him there. It never occurred to me that we might never get to see him again.

And that’s a distinct possibility.

In two days we have our final birth parent interview. If his mom doesn’t come, the US will officially deny the adoption. At this point, it’s looking like we will not get to bring our little boy home.

But still we pray. We are taking these few days leading up to the interview to pray intensely for his life. We don’t want to lose him, but we trust God. He knows Laurentz, He loves him. He knows his mom. He knows what is best and He knows the plans He has for that beautiful little life.

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We love him too. We want him to grow into the man God created him to be. We want him to be safe, loved, delighted in… We want his future to unfold with great adventures on the horizon and deep wells of love to tap into as he pursues them.

He has the best smile and we want him to smile a lot… even if we never get to see it.

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It would be arrogant of me to assume we are the best parents for Laurentz, so yes, while we love him like crazy, we do trust that God may have other plans.

Of course that doesn’t make the potential loss any less.

Our hearts ache.

Will you please pray for Laurentz? Pray for his mama. Pray for his family there. Pray for his best to unfold and for us to celebrate God’s goodness in the midst of our own emotions. Laurentz is a sweet, sweet boy who deserves big love and a bright future. And should it be that his future is with us, pray his mama comes to the interview and gives us the chance to raise him. If not, may God strengthen her to be a wonderful mama who kisses his cheeks and wipes his tears and equips him to live a full, beautiful, glorious life. Oh God, please bring your best to Laurentz …. wherever and with whomever that may be. You are good and we hold on to you, even when the emotions flood our hearts and seep out of our eyes. Watch over Laurentz – for all the days he has on this earth, my God. He is a beautiful boy and we love him.

28 thoughts on “Laurentz.

  1. Beautifully written, dear daughter! We continue to pray for Laurentz and trust God with the process. I love you so much! Proud to be your mom…

  2. I wept as I read the words of a woman who has the heart of a hoped-to-be mother. I ache for you, Elsa, but I also know your heart for God through all things. I will indeed keep all of this in prayer, knowing God has His loving gaze on little Laurentz and on you and your family. Love and hugs to you, friend.🙏💜🙏💜🙏💜

  3. I’m so sorry, Elsa. My heart hurts with you. I know it has been quite a roller coaster of a journey and I pray the very best God has for everybody to achieve His plan, especially in the life of Laurentz.

  4. I am without thoughts or words….We, too lost a couple of kids a few years ago, and still wonder about them. The boy ended up in a group home. Praying for peace in this situation and that God’s will be done. Praying for safety for Laurentz.

    • Thank you, Christine. I know he will stay in my heart. As does Nathaniel, our domestic adoption that didn’t go through. Maybe that’s part of it.. that we pray for these kids even though we may not get to be part of their lives here on earth.

  5. I immediately stopped and prayed the words you shared with us all. We know God is in control of all of this and only He knows the outcome. Praise God’s wisdom and power for Laurentz.’s little life and his future. And may our loving God continue to comfort you and Brian through out this process.

  6. Oh, Elsa, I can feel the conflict in your heart! I pray God gives you peace, knowing you can trust Him with Laurentz’s life. And I pray you get to see him again, either to raise him as your own or to hold him in your arms once more. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, painful, love-filled journey. Bless you!

  7. Elsa, am lifting you up in prayer as you navigate this difficult situation. You have such a beautiful heart as well as an intense love for your Heavenly Father. I pray for His will to be done in this sweet little life and also for your heart not to be torn apart in the process. May God cradle you in His arms. Ann Dubbell

  8. Dearest Elsa,  I am inspired by your faith and your acceptance that God loves Laurantz more that any of us possibly could, and that he will protect that little boy and surround him with His love and protection.  I have been persevering in prayer that Laurentz’s mom’s heart would be open to having him adopted ever since I learned that she had taken Laurentz out of the orphanage.  I know that your heart is breaking – as is mine.  Our God is a great God and I have to  believe He has wonderful things that we cannot even imagine in store for Laurentz. I love you so much,   Nat  

    From: When Hope Comes Home To: ncjackson1@bellsouth.net Sent: Monday, November 30, 2015 2:38 PM Subject: [New post] Laurentz. #yiv6961018332 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv6961018332 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv6961018332 a.yiv6961018332primaryactionlink:link, #yiv6961018332 a.yiv6961018332primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv6961018332 a.yiv6961018332primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv6961018332 a.yiv6961018332primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv6961018332 WordPress.com | elsakokcolopy posted: “We love this little boy.Laurentz.Laurentz was 15 months old when we met him. Late on that first evening, I held him in my arms and he fell asleep. Sitting for a good while in devotions with the kids, he became sweaty against my shoulder. I adjusted ” | |

  9. Elsa, My heart aches for you and your family. I know how much you love Laurentz and how excited you were to be able to add him to your family. We were looking forward to seeing him play in the neighborhood with his new friends. That may still happen…we pray that it does. God is awesome and He will take care of Laurentz no matter where he lives (though we sure hope it’s on Torreys Peak Way.)

  10. I love this little boy with all of my heart! So sorry this had to happen to you all, but I know God’s plan is better than ours! Such an amazing way you guys are looking at this situation. Will be praying for y’all to keep trusting in Him!

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