I don’t want to love them too much.
I don’t want to hold on too tight.
I mean, it was amazing when I was in Haiti – when two little boys with big smiles fell into my lap, when one fell asleep on my shoulder and I didn’t dare move so I could enjoy the sleepy weight of him, when I coaxed out deep belly laughter that rang like music in my ears. In those moments, my heart expanded with love so deep and rich and big, that I could hardly contain it.
But then I got home and they’re far away.
And we got word that the mom of one of our boys didn’t sign the paperwork that needs to be signed, and we can’t take a single step forward until she does.
So a voice in my head says, Guard your heart! Hold on Loosely! Don’t love so much because this will hurt way too much if it doesn’t go through.
Love is a risk.
But here’s the truth: Love is always a risk.
It’s a risk to love my husband. We never know what tomorrow will bring. A dear friend recently lost her husband in a matter of months. Her heart is utterly broken, her family devastated.
It’s a risk to love our friends. Life is transient and unfair and harsh sometimes. Friends move or fall away.
It’s a risk to love, period.
So the more I try to figure out how to guard my heart and still fight for our boys… I realize it can’t be done. It just wont work to hold on loosely when our boys need us to pray, hold tight, love deep.
When Brian and I were in Haiti, I snapped this picture of Brian with Laurentz.
The hand of a protective father holding his baby boy, Brian’s strong hand is planted right over his heart.
I look at that picture and my heart melts.
I realize that’s how we will love our boys, in spite of the risk. I realize that’s how we can allow the expanding of our hearts as we hold them, pray for them, fight for them.
Ultimately, even if our hearts break, the one who fixes broken hearts is right there with us, his strong hand upon us. He is big and kind and good. And He risks more than any of us. He loves each and every one of us deeply and passionately. He longs for us to be his children. And yet so many of us never realize it, or we say no, turn aside or walk away. I can’t imagine how his heart breaks!
So if we can trust our hearts into anyone’s hands, it’s his.
And so we pray:
Please, Lord, if you would be so kind—bring our boys home. Let them be our children. Hold that mother close and help her to know how much we will love her son. Pave the way through government red tape and financial need. Expand our hearts and our world. Fill us with battle-fighting, prayer-warrior, mom and dad kind of love. And then open every door to bring these boys home, that this risk will have it’s precious reward: a family united.
And if by some painful twist of events, things don’t turn out as we expect, hold us close, wipe our tears and teach us to cling to you.
Teach us to risk as you risked for us,
Elsa and Brian
How hard it is to risk, but oh how worth it, regardless of the outcome. When God is in something we trust. We move forward, we give, we love. May His grace, mercy and favor look upon you Elsa and Brian, Lovence and Laurentz, for His glory and your benefit!
Amen, Arleen! Thanks so much…
Thank you, again, for sharing this amazing journey with us and showing us your faith. Thank you for trusting us to pray for you, Brian, and the boys. “To dare to undertake”, is how risk is described in the 1828 Webster’s dictionary. We now are praying with you as you dare to undertake this love commitment to your boys, to each-other, and to God. While reading this, Elsa, I couldn’t help but think of Abraham as he had to lean on God for every step of the way before, after, and during the birth of his son. How Abraham had to fully lean on God and trust Him when he marched up that mountain with his boy ,,, relying on God for strength to obey. May you both have strength to march forward, up your mountain, knowing your GOD is with you and He knows the plans. May you have boldness every day to trust Him. May your love for your boys only grow deeper, wider, longer, fuller, and greater. I love you both and I am praying for you on this powerful journey. You are not alone! HUGS!!
Thanks so much, Jodi. So grateful for your heart!
Dearest Elsa and Brian
Our continued prayers for all of you on this “miracle of a journey”.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee;
Be not dismayed’ for I am thy God.
I will strengthen thee;
Yea I will help thee;
Yea I will hold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10
Blessings from all of us at St. Paul’s Church, Vero Beach, FL
Thank you, Denny. Beautifully spoken!!
Wow! Well said! And you are good at it! Please don’t ever stop loving that way Elsa!
Thank you, Laura! Can’t wait to see you soon!
Great perspective. Thanks for sharing your heart with the us and most especially the boys.
Thanks, Donna – love and miss you!
I am thinking and feeling along the lines of “ROC Prison Ministry”. We are impressed by Abraham’s great faith as he prepared the alter and his son for the sacrifice but what about the three days leading up to it! It was most likely a three day journey to Salem where he was to sacrifice Isaac. Can you imagine knowing this was coming for three days? You’d think with that kind of stress he probably didn’t sleep, didn’t eat; he probably cried out loud frequently and reassured his son that he loved him very much. What agony it must have been. I’m sure there were plenty of prayers like yours, “Please, Lord, if you would be so kind – let me bring my boy home. Let him be my son.” So, you are in good company. Think, if Abraham had not been faithful (and who would’ve blamed him), there would be no Israel, no David and no Jesus-Son of David. This is going to be a fabulous story. . . I’m loving it already!
Blessings to you both
This brought tears to my eyes – thanks, Greg!
LOVING by faith, not just living by faith. Such a beautiful and bittersweet time. Praying for you.
love is a risk but if we don’t love then we won’t know love in return. i hope and pray that things work out for all of you.
Thank you, Megan!